


Complusions

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implusive thoughts, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, OCD, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 00:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11955894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Daniel Howell has dealt with OCD most of his life, he manages to control his intrusive/impulsive thought fairly well, his compulsions however are another story. Then Dan meets Phil Lester, the pretty boy in his first period English class, Phil seems to help his compulsions, he doesn't feel like he has to scrub his hands until they bleed after he's touched him, the thought of kissing him doesn't disgust him, and he finds himself fine sharing a bed with the boy. The thoughts that race through Dans head and make him scared and disgusted with himself however keep him from letting himself get close to Phil, despite how much he helps him Dan can't help but push him away. [Currently on hiatus]





	Complusions

 

_OCD (Obsessive-compulsive Disorder)_

_is an anxiety disorder in which people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things or cleaning, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions._

   _\---_

 Dan found himself scrubbing his hands with boiling hot water in the bathroom at his soon to be new school, he was sure he was ripping skin but he couldn't help himself, he needed to be clean.

_Clean clean clean_

Dan tried his best to ignore the thoughts and stop scrubbing, but after being forced to meet and shake hands with the principal, along with all his new teachers, he couldn't stop himself.

He was **_dirty,_** no other word could explain how he felt.

Even after begging to go to the bathroom between teachers he hadn't been allowed to, so instead he soaked his hands in the hand sanitizer on each one's desks and rubbed his hands until they were too dry. 

Dan found himself grabbing paper towels, thankful for the motion activated paper towel dispenser. 

He didn't need that many but he grabbed, ran his hand in front, grabbed, and repeated until he had three paper towels in his hands, he opened the door and turned off the water with the paper towels covering his hands. 

He threw them into the bin after opening the door, closing it, and opening it again, and walking out. 

His compulsions weren't usually this bad but he found moving cities, moving house, having his house a current mess, and having to meet many new people caused his anxiety to flare, and thus so cause his compulsions to become worse over the past few weeks. 

When he joined his mom again she smiled at him softly, she knew he was going through a lot at the moment but the move was for the best, she was just hoping his nerves would calm soon and he could control himself a bit better. 

 

\---

First day of school was a living hell for Dan, he woke up, clicked his alarm on and off three times before he got out of bed, he looked at the clothes he had picked for himself the night before.

A pastel pink sweater, that was slightly too big for him, and his, also slightly too big, overalls, as well as a flower crown, with exactly six flowers. 

He found himself clipping and un clipping his overalls a few times before he grabbed his school bag, it was black, and he scrambled around his room, he had folders, all of which were a bright pink, with each subject drawn neatly in sharpie on each folder. 

He had several for each subject, all of which were in different colors he had chosen so they could match whatever outfit he decided to wear. 

The idea of all his things matching calmed him slightly as he gently placed his clear pencil holder, which held a few pens, and pencils of which he had painted pink to match his folders, in it.

He shifted his school books in as well, anxiety raising as he realized they didn't match everything. 

He began to panic, hands shaking as he looked around his room. 

Things had to be perfect, they had to. 

However they weren't, and so Dan decided that he was going to make a few book covers to match his folders and pencils for the year. 

But for now he had to rush to breakfast, Dan found himself putting down the toaster stick and bringing it back up three times before he let it actually cook his bread, for three minutes. 

He found strawberry jelly to match his pink theme of the day. 

Dan hurriedly fixed his breakfast and ate before he was late. 

He found himself mumbling the word "mum" three times before he finally said it. "Mum! I'm gonna be late!"

"Coming sweetie!" Dan listened and counted the steps she went down as she came to take him out to the car. 

One

Two

Three

Dan concluded there were nine steps, which eased him a bit, cause 9 is just 3+3+3 which was three threes, making it the perfect number. 

The ride to school was exactly five minutes long, Dan shifted in his seat a bit awkwardly. He found himself picking his skin, before he finally grabbed his bag and left the car, heading inside.

The amount of people in the school alone made Dan feel awful, the fact that many were bumping into him and touching him as they apologized was worse.

Dan made it to the office, somehow in one piece to get his schedule. He stayed in the office until the bell rang, and then waited until the halls cleared some to make his way to the class.

He was late to his first class, which was English. He wasn't late by long, but he was late.

He silently apologized three times, before quietly explaining to the teacher why he was late, and why he would probably be late a lot.

The crowded halls just weren't for him, he couldn't handle that.

The teacher told him to sit where he would like, and so he found a seat in the back of the class, pulled his things out and spent more time organizing them then he did listening to the teacher.

Dan received stares from his classmates, to which he tried to ignore, but his brain wouldn't let him.

_"What if you just grabbed that pencil and stabbed them?"_

_"Look that boy is sitting next to the window, just shove him."_

Dan flinched at the thoughts swirling in his brain, but he had become used to it, so he ignored them, even though they repeated over and over.

Dan found himself not paying much attention to the lesson, though he picked up on what he needed to know.

He very carefully put his things away and pulled his bag over his shoulder.

As he went to walk out he noticed the boy by the window still in his seat, staring out the window.

Dan mouthed the words 'excuse me' a few times until it felt right on his tongue and his cleared his throat and spoke. "Excuse me?" He said to the boy, who jumped and looked at him.

"Y-yes?" The thing Dan first noticed was the boys striking eyes, they were a kind of blue, but they seemed to have small tints of green and gray in them.

"The-the-the bell, it rang already, and you weren't-weren't-weren't moving." Dan gestured to the boys mess of a desk and he chuckled.

"Right, I must've zoned out." He smiled at Dan, and it was a perfect smile. "I'm Phil, and you are...?"

Dan found a blush rising to his cheek. "Dan-Dan-Daniel, but you can call me Dan..."

"Well Dan." Phil just shoved things into his bag, causing Dan to cringe. "It's nice to meet you." He then threw his bag over his shoulder and rushed off.

Dan stared for a moment before he headed to his next class, and repeated his problem of saying sorry and explaining his lateness once more.

**Author's Note:**

> This story has also been posted on my Wattpad whatami-doing.


End file.
